my never ending struggle with writing // on life these days

This piece will be the assortment of my random, miscellaneous thoughts scattered around recklessly.

Couple of days back, I made the promise to dedicate July to writing, which meant I would do whatever it took to put my time and effort into writing... about things I am passionate about.

That being said, I am not half as revved up about anything as I used to be anymore. Even though I could attribute this fact to many factors (growing up and having many more experiences in the outer world makes you realize everything is pretty much mapped out and even midst crisis you know how to handle things, which is somehow okay but dull)

I have lost my ambition over things I did back then, and that's somehow good.

One nice thing about growing up (do not mind me saying this, I actually recently turned 21, still pretty young and dumb) is the number of things we experience.

When you first fall in love (because that is the simplest example I could possibly give, whoever it is reading this, I am sure at some point you experienced the butterflies in your stomach) and get your heart broken you get fragile, you get broken. Second time, not so much.

You don't know how to deal with toxicity, negativity in your life when you're young.

But, once you see something you go through has happened either in your life or somebody else's that you've heard of, or read somewhere sometime, you think to yourself "What is the worst case scenario anyways?" Because we tend to take many things personally, we assume it only happens to us, but in fact, others probably went through such terrible things you couldn't possibly imagine.

In Homo Deus, Yuval Noah Harari mentions how we no longer die out of poverty, famine, infections or wars as we did back then. And how Coca-cola is a bigger problem for Americans than El-Kaida. More people die out of obesity than hunger.

So, when in crisis, what is your worst case scenario? Because let me tell you, no matter what you go through, we always wake up and get going, and some day we feel okay with ourselves, as we should, more often.

Every bad result leads to your growth, that is why we learn more when we fail.

We learn to handle failure and embrace it differently. Because I have noticed that it's not the success or the failure that matters, but your response to everything that happens around you.

You can choose to be greedy, envious, vindictive, you can choose to hold grudge towards people, towards unfair things that happened to you, but that only brings more negativity for you. And you don't want to feel this way, this bleak, gloomy version is not necessarily how one would want to perceive themselves.

So next time, fail so daringly that no one or nothing can wreck you.

And just laugh it off, holy shit. Is that so hard?

Put a stupid smile on your face and walk around like you don't give a shit. (Here the writer decides her writing is not impeccable ergo she chooses to use profanity to cover her incompetence.)